


Stop Poking Me—The Therapy Job

by crayonbreakygal



Category: Leverage
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 00:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“They said that?”   Takes place sometime during season four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop Poking Me—The Therapy Job

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of crackfic! that I wrote. What would happen if the team went into therapy, but didn't know who suggested it. Hope that y'all can follow who is who when they're talking. This was just too much fun. Inspired by The Office Job, season four.

Takes place sometime during season four.

Stop Poking Me—The Therapy Job

 

“So, Mr. Hardison, tell me a little about yourself.”

“What do you want to accomplish with this therapy, Mr. Spencer?”

“Why are you here?”

“Where shall we begin, Ms. Devereaux?”

“Where are we going with this, Mr. Ford?”

 

Holy shit, Hardison thought.  Why were they here?  Therapy?  As he sat down across from the therapist, all he thought was, whose idea was this?  He didn’t want to talk to this person.  He’d be nice and avoid, talk nonsense to get it over quickly.

 

Eliot wanted to bang his head against a wall. What in hell were they thinking?  They could get in trouble if any one of them opened up too much.  He was supposed to protect the team, not let them do something like this.

 

Parker looked around.  Why was she there?  She had no idea, except she sat before this person, in a nice office, in a comfy seat.  Maybe she could take a nap.

 

Where to begin?  How could she begin?  Sophie crossed her arms over her, amazed that any one of them would want to talk to someone.  They all were messed up, rough childhoods, rough adulthoods.  She thought that if anyone knew what they actually did, possibly could end up with them in jail, on more than one offense.

 

Going with this?  He’d kill each and every one of them after this.  This was not going anywhere, Nate thought.  He was not sure which one had wanted to do these so called therapy sessions.  Sure, their team was not working well together these days.  Everyone complained about his role, their roles, wanted to take over a con from him.  They didn’t trust him.

 

“Mr. Hardison, let’s start from the beginning.”

“Which beginning?  My beginning?  From Chicago?  I could tell you what happened, but I’m not sure where you want me to start.  There was this one time, while I was at Comicon, let me tell you.”

“Mr. Hardison, we are here to discover what I can do for you.”

“Well, you know, here’s the thing.  They don’t appreciate me, for my skills.  Let’s just say they never say thank you, Hardison.  We appreciate all that you do for the team. There, I said it.”

 

“Listen, whatever your name is, I don’t want to be here.  Let’s just say we all got along great and leave it at that.  It would be better for you and for me.”

He smiled again, hoping to not seem so menacing.

“Mr. Spencer, no one is keeping you here against your will.  It’s just that it was expressed that you don’t have the ability to connect, that’s there’s something that you need to say.”

“Say?  Who’d say that?  I’m here because I need to protect them. That’s all.  You would think they would all realize that and put a stop to this.”

 

“Parker, can you start from where this all went wrong?”

Wrong?  Huh?  All she knew was here she was, not wanting to talk about anything. 

“Wrong?  Um.  Not sure where you’re going with this.  There’s nothing wrong.”

“Then why was it expressed that you need help.”

“I don’t need help.  Well, maybe sometimes I have a problem relating to normal people. But what’s normal?”

 

“OK, see, I want to be seen as an equal.”

“Equal?  In the group?  Go on.”

“I’m more than just a pretty face.  I can take care of myself.  None of them believe that.”

 

“Ok, so who wanted this to happen?”  He raised his eyebrows, throwing the question back.

“Mr. Ford, it’s been talked about that your managing style is somewhat authoritative in nature.”

Authoritative in nature?  What?  Sure, he had to be in charge, mostly.

 

“Yeah, sure.  Nate can be an asshole at times.”

“Sure, he’s the leader.  The leader sometimes is a jerk.  What of it?”

“Nate?  He can be mean.”

“Utter bastard.”

 

“They said that?”

“Well, Mr. Ford, it seems that your team members are a bit worried about how much longer the team can be held together.”

 

“Mr. Hardison, you’ve expressed doubts that the team can hold together.  You want them to express to you how much work you put in for them?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, if he didn’t do all this work, we’d never be able to pull off, yeah, what we do.  Don’t tell him I said that.  Head gets too big.”

“He’s saved me more than once.  I mean, on the job.  He’s prepared.  That time he packed a parachute.”

“Sure, Hardison is prepared.  We’d never complete our jobs without him.  That electronic stuff is so foreign to me.”

“He’s immature and possessive of the knowledge.  He needs to realize that the information is only a part of what we do.”

 

“They said that?  Head get too big?  Information only one part of the job?  How would we do the job if the information is not there?  Age of the geek.  What if we did this job ten years ago?  They’d still be sitting there, asking me to make calls or something.”

 

“Mr. Spencer, what do you think of the status of the group?”

“Status?  Sure we all have our pluses and minuses.  Everyone brings something to the table.  They just need to realize that I can’t keep them safe unless I know everything.”

“But Mr. Spencer, if you withhold information from them, how do you think that makes them feel?”

 

“Yeah, that was a total shock.  Moreau?  We had no idea he had previously worked for that guy.  Who knew?  Made it harder to trust him.”

“Moreau is icky, with a double ick.  Not a very nice person.”

“Dangerous.  We could have been hurt.”

“Disappointed.  He knew that we were looking at Moreau.  He knew.”

 

“They all were disappointed in you for not revealing that you knew a Mr. Moreau.  It’s seemed to cause issues, calling into question your loyalty.”

“Hey, I told them, finally.  It’s my job to keep them safe.”

 

“Parker, what about your teammates?”

“What of it?”

“Is there something you’d like them to know?”

“No.”

“They are worried about you.”

“Why would they be worried about me?”

Parker was so confused.  No one had expressed worry.  Well, except for that one time.

 

“It’s her brother.  Man, what a bad story.  She feels like she’s to blame.”

“Twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag.  She ain’t right sometimes.”

“Parker is a unique individual that brings a unique skill set to our team.  She’s a lovely girl.  Sometimes a bit strange, but has come quite a ways in dealing with people.”

“Parker?  She’s OK.  She likes to poke people.  And appears out of nowhere.  Especially when it’s one in the morning and all I want is a drink.”

 

“Ms. Devereaux, it has been expressed that your relationship with Mr. Ford sometimes interferes with how the team operates.”

“What?  Nate and I have known each other longer than the others.  We worked together before.”

“Anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

 

“Geez, those two?  Just get a room.  I told Eliot that he needed to give the both of them some boxing gloves and let them go at it.  It’s either snarking, slapping, or them off in a corner kissing.  I can’t explain it.”

“It’s complicated.  Don’t mix work relationships though.  They never work.”

“Oh, that.  I think they had sex.  It should have made things better.”

“What?  There is nothing going on.  Well, not much.  We’re friends.  That’s it.  Close friends.”

 

“Yes, close friends are what it is.  We like to share things.  If it’s causing problems.”

“Ms. Devereaux, the rest of the team just want to know where they stand.”

 

“Mr. Ford, do you have control issues?”

Nate sighed.  “Someone has to be in charge.”

“It’s been expressed that your idea of control is to dismiss other’s thoughts and feelings.”

“I don’t do that.”

 

“Yeah, ask if you can run a con?  Ha.  I got this.  He just thinks he can do a better job.”

“Feelings?  Thoughts?  They don’t mean anything to him.  Control is all he’s got sometimes.”

“Mmmm.  OK, you see, I don’t have a problem with Nate being in charge.  It’s just that sometimes, he’s not Nate and then we have to remind him so nothing goes wrong, and then something goes wrong and we have to save him.”

“Six months.  I ran this crew for six months.  Did I get a thank you, a job well done?  I helped break him out of prison.”

“Excuse me?”

“Did I say break? I mean get him out on a technicality.  Was he grateful?  Never.”

 

“So what would you like to accomplish here, Mr. Hardison?”

“Just wanted the rest of them to know that this is what I want to do and not to dismiss my contributions.  I got this.”

 

“Mr. Spencer, what would you like your teammates to know?”

“I will never, ever leave a man behind.  I will keep them all safe.”

 

“Ms. Parker, thoughts?”

Parker drifted off to sleep, only to be startled by the voice.

“Oh, thoughts?  Tell them I love them.”

 

“Ms. Devereaux, where would you like to be?”

“Be?  I’m not sure.  I guess I just want them to know that I won’t leave, that I’m here for them, all of them.”

 

“Mr. Ford?”

“Question?”

“What do you think about the comments that have been expressed here?”

“It’s just, I’m not good with words.”

“In your own words.”

“Ok, here goes.  Hardison, you are the smartest man that I know.  Eliot, I trust you with my life.  Parker, you are the most honest person I know.  Sophie.  Oh geez.  Not sure where to go with that one.”

 

“He said that?  Oh.  Huh.  He thinks I’m the smartest.  Cool.”

“He trusts me?  Ok.  I can deal with that.”

“Honest?  Um.  Yeah.  I guess I can be.”

Sophie cries when she hears what Nate says about her.

“He trusts me with his heart?  Oh Nate.”

 

As they each entered Nate’s apartment, all of them wandered the place, getting snacks, popping open orange soda, popping popcorn, opening a bottle of wine, getting a beer, screwing the top off a bottle of whiskey.

None could look in each other’s eyes.  They each sat down at the table, the table where they all shared meals, planned cons, drank when things went wrong.

“So, um, where do we start?” Hardison finally said.

The microwave beeped.  “Popcorn,” Parker yelled, running into the kitchen.

“I miss the sofa,” Sophie added.

“We could go upstairs,” Nate answered.

Eliot looked at him strange.

“Oh no.  I have a TV up there.  A sofa.  Since Hardison remodeled.”

“Oh. OK,” Eliot wanted him to know.

“Race ya,” Parker said as she took off up the winding staircase.

Four of them squeezed onto the sofa while Parker sat on the ground at Hardison’s feet.  The movie they actually were able to pick as one was playing.

“Who wanted to watch Armageddon?” Eliot asked.

“Dunno,” Hardison whispered.

“Oh, that had to hurt,” Parker answered as she watched the screen.

Nate sat on the end, Sophie snuggled up against his side, Eliot next to her with his arms on the back of the sofa.  Hardison sat on the other end, leg over Parker’s shoulder.  She grabbed Eliot’s leg to so it could match, rubbing both of them.

“Parker, stop,” Eliot whispered.

“This is the scary part.”

“This movie is not scary, Parker,” Sophie mentioned.

“It’s in space. That makes it scary.”

Each of them chuckled at her announcement.

“I thought she was gonna say Bruce Willis, but hey, to each his or her own.”

Hardison took her hand in his, to make sure she knew he was there.  Sophie leaned back against Eliot's strong arm, making herself more comfortable.

“Ok, who called me an asshole?” he wanted to know.

Eliot tapped his arm to be quiet.

“Shh.  Everyone.  Be quiet.”

“What?”

“I think it was bastard.”

“Jerk.”

“Mean.”

“But, I, really?”

Sophie poked him in the chest.  Then attempted to tickle him.

“Stop.  That tickles.”

“Get a room,” Hardison said as he saw what was happening at the other end of the sofa.

“No hands,” Eliot added.

“It’s not like they’re going to have sex right now,” Parker finished.

“Will you all be quiet?” Sophie yelled.

Nate started to laugh and couldn’t stop.

“Oh bloody hell,” Sophie said, smiling, poking Nate again, then turning to poke Eliot. 

Parker joined in, poking Eliot in the leg, then reaching up and poking Hardison on the arm.  Hardison accidentally reached back and snagged Eliot’s hair, which caused Eliot’s leg to come up to kick him.  Parker chose that time to launch herself at the two, laying across the whole sofa to relax.  Her head was on Hardison’s lap, while her feet reached to Nate.

“Stop.  I’m watching the movie.”

Each sighed, stopped what they were doing and watched the movie.

“This is awful.”

“Shh.”

“Who picked this movie?”

“Shh.”

“Don’t let her control the Netflix que.”

“Shhhhhhhh.”

 


End file.
